The task is simple. The quest is great. Thousands of college students. Hundreds of restaurants. And only one. One that can be the Goodest. The goodest good food to feed me.

The idea came as all brilliant ideas usually come. When a hungry stomach, mid-terms, and the full moon coexist in one week, the result is infallible: brain capacities kick into hyper-drive. As Sarah and Laura (2^nd cousins, best friends, and food connesseuir extraordinairez) were suffering this Friday night from lack of nutrition and calories, the idea came!

“We need food or we won’t make it through this weekend of sleep-deprivation and undesired social situations!”

“But with so many options, we’ll end up talking about three gazillion different options and driving around for 6 bajillion hours trying to pick a place to go to! I’d rather starve!”

“We need to solve this problem, once and for all”

“LETS FIND OUT WHO HAS THE BEST FOOD IN TOWN!”

And thus the quest began.

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Americans love their French fries. Actually, in other countries, theyre called American fries. But which fry delivers the best taste? The best experience? The best service? The BEST _______? (fill in later when more ideas come at next full moon)

Lets be real. We all know more or less about the quality of fast food places. They go fast. They give you food (arguably). So we narrowed our test pool to three comparative restaurants in the Provo/Orem, Utah area.

THE CONTESTANTS:

Muyah

5 Guys

Cubbys

THE CATEGORIES: (ranked out of 10)

Blind taste test

Visual appeal

Wait time for order

Price

(we thought about putting nutrition as a category but that remembered… theyre french fries…)

THE RESULTS:

First of we’ll give you the individual category winners.

If you want a fry that is good- I mean GOOD- and you don’t care about the other factors, go to Muyahs! The inner and outer textures are juxtaposed, and there is a pleasing, though not over-powering, flavor of herbs. Unfortunately, the portions aren’t impressive and the price isn’t  competitive.

If youre looking for affordable and economic, go to Cubbys! Their one size fits all uses enough potatoes to end hunger in Malasia. It’s not expensive, but you will be waiting for your order long enough to have gone to Malasia and back.

5 Guys takes the plate as far as speedy delivery goes and also includes a boat load of fries although is mostly average as far as the other categories go.

FINAL SAY:

After adding and dividing to find the average (just as our college classes always taught us) weve found that on a scale of 1 to 10, the rankings of these fries fall to

WINNER: 5 Guys with an enormous 7.25

RUNNER-UP (aka first loser): Cubby’s  with a decent 6.33

BRONZE (aka loser loser): Muyah’s with a sneezable 5.92

We felt a little deceptioned that Muyah’s didn’t get a higher ranking considering it won the flavor category, so we’ve nominated it to one of those lame awards that means nothing bc it doesn’t come from data but comes from the desire to skew the results. It will be rewarded with the WRITERS CHOICE AWARD woooooo hoooooOOOOOoooOOOoo!!

scientific french fry experiments dont have to be pretty

Well what started out as a quest for knowledge resulted in gaining wisdom beyond our innocence. It also ended up as a quest for a triple heart attack. We are grateful for both experiences!

Thanks and come back.